Thursday, February 16, 2006

That Explains Everything: The Material Hernia

We're all greatful that cool heads prevailed amongst the producers of the recent Grammy show, and Madonna was chosen over Mariah to open the festivities. Firstly, because it was a fabulous performance, as you can see here, and secondly, because anything that makes Mariah have a fit is fine by me.

Madge is apparently in recovery from a hernia that was operated on right after her performance in the Grammys. What does concern me is the nigh-unto-Cheney like delay in reportage concerning the story. A Google search shows that the hernia story was first reported yesterday by some crappy Irish online news outlet. Hello, the Grammy's happened...well, like a long time ago. Maybe it was a week, but it feels like a year.

Clearly, when having to deal with something as old-fartish and unsexy as a hernia in front of a TV audience of millions, the best policy, as the mystical wisdom of the Kabbalah teaches, is to hide in plain view. No wonder she had the wardrobe trifecta of sexy yet sensible support hose, firm yet flexible lycra leotard and body brace disgused as supple corset in full effect! There was nothing on earth that was going to keep her from showing those producers they'd backed the right filly. Do it up, Madge! Do it up!

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