Guess which one I am...

In the time honored tradition of "Which Character are You" Quizzes, from Seinfeld to Sex and the City, you knew there was a Footballers' Wive$ one out there.

I'm Chardonnay!!!!!!

Report from our Far-Flung Correspondent

GOB Bluth need have no fear...if times got really tough and no one in Vegas would hire him to perform magic. Apparently the Segway is the vehicle of choice for mall cops at one of the Las Vegas outlets.

The Final Countdown

So after an agonizing hiatus for us obsessives, Project Runway will return for a second season on December 7.

Why is that one guy Daniel back? He's so annoying. Jay was in the teaser on the site, but I hope that Austin gets to make an appearance too.

I can't get "Ring of Fire" out of my head...

If you haven't seen this movie, go see it. It's the first movie I've been dying to see in a long time, and I wasn't disappointed.

A new kink in the Seacrest-Cooper tie imbroglio....

This explains everything! Anderson Cooper recently recommended his mother Gloria Vanderbilt's memoir It Seemed Important at the Time to readers of O Magazine, not because Gloria needs the money, but because of the juicy tidbits about his mom's dating life.

Quoth he: "I always thought the worst thing in the world would be to hear your parents talk about their sex lives. It turns out, the worst is learning that your parents' sex lives were more interesting than your own."

He muses at even greater length on the same topic in this Details article. Believe me, the quote about Nijinsky was more of a mental picture than even I wanted.

So he's flirting with Seacrest to spice up his love life, because he's in competition with his mom. That makes total sense.

Come on Anderson, Ryan Seacrest is so 2003

Just because it worked for Nancy Regan doesn't mean it'll work for everyone else.

The Thai Prime Minister refuses to talk to the press because Mercury is in Retrograde

Happy 60th Goldie!

One thing I will say about this gal, she sure knows how to commit...wether it's to a haircut or a man, she's pretty consistent.

My top 3 Goldie Hawn movies:

3. Housesitter, even though Steve Martin's in it.
2. Private Benjamin, because every girl wants to marry a French gynecologist.
1. Foul Play, because I defy you to find a funnier movie (outside of Wedding Crashers).

Blame Ovitz: When Art Started Imitating Hollywood

A good gossipy read about the collision of Hollywood and the Art world in the 80's

Tempting....

But does actually using these cards mean you deserve to get one too?

I'm SUPER!!!! Thanks for asking!

The title of Carson Kressley's new book for children made my day. Notice a blog theme for the week? How did that happen?

If a tree falls in a forest and no one is there....

Ok, well of course you know this means I have to confess that I was actually watching Ryan Seacrest....interviewing Nicole Richie....on CNN when this PHENOMENAL exchange occurred between the Ryster and Anderson Cooper .....

Cooper: That’s the biggest tie I’ve ever seen, by the way.

Seacrest: Yeah, you know, I don’t know. It’s bigger than my head, isn’t it?

Cooper: No, it works, it works for you. It just, you know, I just noticed it….

Seacrest: Look at the size of your… your bow’s tiny, mine’s huge.

Cooper: I’ve heard that often.

Then it was quoted on Gawker and I knew that millions of other Americans were caught in their own vacuum of shame, also known as it's 7pm and I've already seen the Law & Order rerun that's on and The Biggest Loser doesn't start until 8pm.

PS Will you people out there stop giving Ryan Seacrest more jobs! We don't need to encourage him.

CUT&PASTE DESIGN COMPETITION

Another reason I hate New York. I'm dying to go to this. It reminds me of this gameshow they have in England for painters...I think it's called A Brush with Fame or something.

Santa Monica Art Auction

Ever since I went to the affordable art fair in London (and didn't go to Frieze...not that' I'm bummed...I ain't no Gwyneth mimic) I'm diggin' this new world. Never mind that I probably couldn't even afford the catalogue if I went, let alone an actual work. But these are also by much more established artists....Calder, HOCKNEY,Ruscha, Stella...whathave you. Wanna come?

Ford on Koons

I am dying to watch this, 11/24 at 10PM--but I can't remember if we get the Sundance Channel or not....I'm thinking no. Man that Tom Ford is one sexy baish by the way (wink, llama).

Maybe I'll revise my wish list after this...

Why I Hate the Hotel du Crap by Brett Ratner

Ok so we all know that it's one of my absolute rock 'n' roll fantasies to stay at the Hotel du Cap. But maybe not so much anymore. This article made me giggle a little, having been also the victim of a Nazi-like French concierge at my last hotel stay in London, at a place not even on the same playing field as the Hotel du Cap.

Worlds are Colliding and I LURVE IT!

How did this escape my notice? Ricky Gervais in Christopher Guest's next film? Can one be asked to endure such bliss? And the title of the mock film, Home for Purim? My existence is complete. The only way this scenario could be improved is if Jennifer Coolidge gets to make out with Ricky; if they're eachother's love interests.

Glorious Discovery...

I am so stoked that you can get the London Review of Books Personal Ads online. Let's just start off with the first one this week, as an example:

"Passionate unicycling ornithologist seeks company of equally inspired stilt walker for hedgerow birdnesting. "

Genius! Can you imagine if they had personals at the Beach Reporter?

"If you've got boobs and like to drink beer at Sharkeez, hit me up!"

I gotta get outta here. It's true, the time has come.

Frogmore Stew

I made this recipe last night. It was pretty good despite the requisite screw-ups I always make whenever I cook anything (like not adding the spice when I was supposed to.) But it's SPICY. Like hella hot. I was proud of my dad, he still ate it anyway. Next time, if I make it, I'll significantly reduce the Old Bay (I'd never used that seasoning before, much less heard of it.) I have a feeling it'll be spicy just the same.

Early Stocking Stuffer Front Runner

Why am I finding all this cool stuff in London now that I'm not there? I don't know why but this really appeals to me. Muji's got Paris, Tokyo and New York too. I would love to have it as a memento of my trip. HINT. Except that one phallic looking thing. Even in London, I couldn't figure out what it was--except there it was all glass. I kept thinking, "What civil planning genius ok'ed that?" Maybe I'll just throw that piece out of the set when I get it.

Ok so you all know that I can't resist a research problem, so I decided to figure out what the hell that thing is. Answer? The Swiss Re Building. And I figured out who was to blame. Norman Foster. To paraphrase Room With a View (the movie): I blame you Norman, I blame you very much.

Move over all you Audi Wagons...

So I saw this Citroën in Wallpaper. And I think it's just about perfect for me. Too bad it's a concept car. But maybe by the time they get around to production I'll be able to afford it. And it even comes in my yellow!

Confessions on a Toll-Free line....

So the PR geniuses behind Madonna's new album due in exactly 2 weeks have set up a toll-free line where you can listen to other people's confessions. I am frightened by this more than by any Queen Mary's "Haunted Shipwreck" I was lucky enough to be out of town to avoid. Fear people, FEAR. BTW think about those two things what do they have in common? I'll give you a hint: Long Beach.

Jason Bateman Undergoes Throat Surgery

Just as long as Buster doesn't get his hand surgically put back on.

In related news, apparently some of the humor is lost if you watch Arrested Development in French.

Arrested was on really late at night in England too. Frankly, I'm surprised they showed it there, I don't think the Brits would find it humorous. Especially Wee Britain.