West Side Story versión Zombie

I ran across this the other day. I thought it was very clever.

40 years ago this month, Bardot rocked Deauville.

Let's lamé!

So this morning my youngest sister asked me if I wanted to participate in the Las Vegas half-marathon this December. Let me think about it, ah no. Then while breakfasting on my Honey Bunches of Oats with Almonds, I ran across an editorial in the September Harper's Bazaar that had Chloë Sevigny in MYLAR (looking) leggings from American Apparel. I went to the site and they come in 6 colors including the original silver, a divine Studio 54 lamé purple and a Claudette Colbert lamé gold. I think this means I have to buy them and wear them in the half-marathon. Or wear them as inspiration while I work out. Unfortunately, the site warns "This garment can dull or scratch with repeated wearing; handle with care." Ah crap, you know I'd wear them every day if I could, but alas they won't retain the look. Do they come in fatass size? Secret message to my other sister. If you buy these after reading this I will personally murder you.

A Bucket of French and Saunders

Man I love me some French & Saunders (here shown in a sketch from their currently running BBC special A Bucket of French and Saunders as Amy Winehouse and Brit-brit.

I'm not your mate, mate.

I am not a Nicole Kidman fan. I don't think she is interesting as an actress or as a fashion plate. But even fans of hers have to wonder what exactly she and the editorial team at Vanity Fair were trying to achieve with this cover, although we get a hint from the title of the article, "The Lady is Yar." (I am so smart I know what yar means without having to look it up. It means we are going to be subjected to a photo portfolio of fisherman's sweaters and hearty nautical attire, but unfortunately no piratical eye patches.) Ok, I lied. I have no idea what they're doing here. My only guess is they want to push pea coats on us and they forgot to ask Tim Gunn's advice about how to go about doing that. I am not philosophically opposed to them, pea coats, I mean. I have owned quite a few in my time. I just think she looks like she's begging to get in the jacuzzi in the back of a Van Halen limousine circa 1986. Subtract the brassiere from the cover shot, and she's wearing exactly what my great-uncle Dick (LAPD, ret.) would wear to clean the leaves out of his pool before we kids jumped in on a hot summer day that same year. Wouldn't you feel ridiculous wearing that getup in combination with such a pose? Aren't you proud of me that I have completely restrained myself thus far from making any reference to Gilligan or The Skipper?

I'm a little bit country...A VERY LITTLE BIT!

Sometimes we need to be reminded of who we are and where we come from. Me, I'm really just a rodeo queen at heart, and I watch the tv show to prove it: Ty Murray's Celebrity Bull Riding Challenge. Two weekends ago my sister and best bud and I were bored out of our gourds. We'd already done the dinner and a movie thing, and the tv thing was looking so bleak we actually ventured above BBC America, channel 223. Little did we know on CMT (channel 234...eek!) we were about to discover a late night marathon of d-list celebrities (including musical has-beens from two decades, celebuspawn, various athletes and a Baldwin brother) actually acquiring a skill set and...maybe even some character. We stayed up until 1:30 am the next day watching them learn the ropes, try to out-macho bluster each other and actually last 8 seconds on the back of massive steers.

For those that don't know, Ty Murray is the Roger Federer of Bull Riding who has somehow managed to not propose to Jewel Kilcher for 9 years. Watching him coach the celebs in these episodes was like learning at the foot of the barnyard Buddha. With each plain-spoken tough guy cowboy koan, I could feel the marrow cells in my bones triple in production. If all 535 members of the senate and congress were just replaced by genetic replicas of Ty Murray, our country would have no more problems. I'm totally there for another season of this show, should one be ordered. I will not however, be watching Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders: Making the Team 2.