A review of "Far from the Madding Crowd"

Far from the Madding Crowd

by John Schlesinger

JULIE CHRISTIE! TERENCE STAMP! ONE HELL OF A LONG MOVIE! And her hair never moves the whole time!

See more about Far from the Madding Crowd

Ruling Reversal

So as you will recall, I had a good belly laugh about the first issue of Men's Vogue. I didn't think it was going to fly...but now, well, let's just say I'm man enough to admit...those crazy kids just might be on to something. I was particularly taken by the penultimate issue with Sir Hugh Jackman on the cover.
Playboy may claim to be all about the articles, but this magazine really is. Flip inside and you've got a piece on Peter Beard's new book from Taschen, for example. And nary a female covermodel in sight...so far. In this Maximized world, that's an impressive editorial direction that really sets them apart. Well played.

Betcha can't eat just one...

I love you Pocky, oh yes I do.
I love you Pocky, and I'll be true.
When you're not near me, I'm blue.
Oh, Pocky I love you.

Get a D to the I to the C-T-I-O-N-A-R-Y

You know, if you're an admitted Meth addict leveraging your turn on Kids Incorporated despite a tenuous grip on your urinary tract, I'm guessing you were never one for hitting the grammar books, so I'm gonna recommend the spell check function next time you're, ah, composing. And a hint...it's TASTY, no "e".

Happy Birthday Dolly

"If you look in the mirror, I wonder what you see/
I wonder if you realize you're beautiful to me"

Oh how the mighty have fallen

What's going on?

It really bums me out to say this, but I think Daniel Craig has actually surpassed Luke Walton and Kobe Bryant to win the dubious distinction of having the most asinine tattoo I've ever seen. Ancient Peruvian condor/ufo landing signal beats stickmen and butterflies for sure.

Why couldn't the art director at W just save us all and photoshop it out. It's not like they didn't airbrush the hell out of Nicole, so why stop there.

What about that guy?

Was anyone else taken aback by John Krasinski's blip appearance in Dreamgirls in what had to be one of the more bizarre triumvirates ever seen on screen: him, John Lithgow and Beyoncé? I am supposed to be totally crushing on him because my sisters are, but I'm kind of not, and that makes me feel badly, like I broke one of the unspoken white girl rules.

I am a late comer to the American version of The Office, mostly because I believe attemps at replicating perfection are doomed. But then my sister made me watch the one where Jim faxes Dwight letters from Future Dwight. And then I saw the Benihana Christmas episode and could not believe it when Michael Scott marked the waitress on the arm with a Sharpie. So I'm willing to admit that the newer version is slickly amusing.

I think the problem is that I cried when Tim and Dawn kissed in the BBC version, but...I kind of don't really care about Jim and Pam (those are their names, right? I can never remember the character names in the American one). If anything I want him to get together with Rashida's character. Admittedly, I'm coming to it after he's "moved on", but Jim and Pam don't really seem to have any chemistry at all.

And also...I have a problem with what Krasinski does when the camera cuts to him as a punctuation for whatever Steve Carrell has just been doing. His face always seems to say, "Of Course. Why are you cutting to me? I'm NOT REACTING, this all PERFECTLY rational behavior." Whereas Martin Freeman's Tim never seemed snarkily ironic like that. More stunned, or at the very least too unsure that anyone else saw what David Brent just did to be complicit in suppressing a reaction as a form of bonding. A recent issue of The New Yorker describes the two shows' differences much more eloquently. Sorry to get all macro, but I feel like snark is overtaking America, and it's not all that cool anymore, peoples. Being genuine just feels more fresh.

CHICK-A-POW!

After all the egg nog was drunk and the stockings were emptied, and everyone had a piece of wrapping paper stuck to the bottom of their shoe, what did you do on Christmas? I bet you didn't watch A Smoky Mountain Christmas. I bet you don't STILL have it on the DVR. I bet you couldn't go pull out a taped-from TV circa 1988 VHS copy of it out of the closet, if you could be bothered. I bet you weren't on the verge of tears when you saw this GENIUS album cover of hers from your favorite decade. And I bet you didn't do a spit take when Sherpa listed Dolly's autobiography on her 2006 list of books read, cause it's on YOUR wish list.

I'm on to your game, Harvey Weinstein!

Should I go see this tomorrow? I can't decide. I read Jean Stein's oral biography of Edie when I was a freshman in college. It was an education to say the least. As intriguingly ineffable as the lure of Andy & Co. is, in the end, I always feel kinda sickened by that whole scene. And then there's Sienna. Man, I have a love-hate thing with her. Does she have to be so damn stylish? Well, DOES SHE?

Say it ain't so!

DON'T GO, TIM! You've got a LIFETIME of Red Lobster ahead of you!

She's A Lady

Happy Birtday Dame Judi, my valkyrie

Wish Fulfilment

Today was one of those days where I didn't really expect anything special to happen, and I was pleasantly surprised. On the spur of the moment, my sister and I found ourselves at the Getty Villa in Malibu. I had been meaning to go there and see it since it had reopened, but never got around to making the reservations to go. As we drove by on PCH, I just said to my sister, "Hey, let's go there!" And we did! Etruscan statuary here we come!

It was the perfect day, the perfect weather, and the perfect serving of "CULTURE" as all my sister's boyfriends call it. So of course the most impressive part was the formal colonnaded garden (pictured). It has a serious tranquilizing effect, and as you come to the edge of it, a balcony overlooking the eucalyptus with the sea in the near distance. But the special treat was the herb garden. Hyssop, Quince, Sweet Bay, Plum, Olive, Lime, Balm,...the scent was phenomenal, and the breeze brought new scents to you as you walked along the path. It was a very special place that I'd love to return to. I even put a penny in a fountain and made a wish...I am never that sentimental or superstitious, but it seemed like the thing to do.

So then we proceded to lunch at the "new" Malibu Inn. What can I say, it always ends in tears for me there. But that was merely a blip in the day.

The apogee for me was FINALLY after what, oh 10 years of searching and searching...I finally got me a David Bowie tee-shirt. And it has magenta glitter on it. This makes up for any deep-down residual sadness I may be experiencing for the loss of the mythic Liza workout tee.

LALALALALA I AM NOT LISTENING!!!!

I just didn't really need to hear this right now! I would gladly give up all the Fafarazzi points this story earned me if it could have just never happened at all. Rewind, Erase! Don't need to go there. I am already hard up enough as it is, why do you have to take my little pleasures from me?

No She DI'NT!

What in the world is going on? I think girlfriend Gwen is off her rocker, and this latest cover story from Entertainment Weekly proves it. According to the article, she claims her new look for the album is inspired by Michelle Pfeiffer's performance as Elvira Hancock in Scarface. Ok, that's pretty fabulous inspiration, I ain't gonna lie (What about the fabulous cobalt blue gown with a plunging neckline?), but I think something got lost in the translation. Alot of things happened in that movie, but I'm pretty sure wearing wigs made out of acrylic poodle hair wasn't one of them. But the major missteps aren't just tonsorial on this second solo outing. On the new single "Wind It Up" she samples "The Lonely Goatherd" from The Sound of Music, specifically the yodel. You read right. It is the most retarded thing I've ever heard in my life. So to recap, Scarface and yodeling. But maybe she's not all to blame. If Courtney Love was going around claiming that the only reason my Adonis of a husband started dating me was because she dumped him first, I think I'd be a little off my game too.

Keep Burberry British

LADIES...believe me when I say I am TRYING very very hard to find blog ready pics of Ioan Gruffudd as the new face of Burberry. I just saw the spread in this December's InStyle, and it's phenomenal. However in doing my intrepid visual research, I discovered that our lad is embroiled in a bit of a controversy. Seems despite Burberry's profits this year, the board has decided to shut down a Welsh manufacturing plant near where Ioan grew up that has been in the company for 70 years to get the work done cheaper in China. Ioan was urged to take a stand on the issue, but demurred until now. He has finally joined Prince Charles in putting the pressure on those Burberry mucky-mucks. Well, if belatedly played. Chavs of the world breathe a sigh of relief.

trompe l’œil

Whenever I see the brand Aquascutum, I always think it says, ahem, something else.

Liza at the Luxor

Last night I was privileged to end 2006: My Year In Gay Man Music with a performance by Miss Liza May Minnelli at the Luxor Casino in Las Vegas. Unfortunately we were half an hour late and so I only got to see about an hour's worth of performance. And there was no merchandise to be had. I had been dreaming for weeks about wrassling myself up a Liza tour tee that would motivate me on the eliptical trainer. I'd cut out the neck and make a neck hole big enough to slide over one shoulder. I might have even jazzed it up with a BeDazzle™ or two, but such dreams were not to be fulfilled. As Liza said as she ripped off one faux eyelash and then the other midsong, "DAMN!"

What I liked especially about this performance was that between each song, she took a few seconds to just chat, share an anecdote or remark on the first time she had heard a song sung. I would die to read a Liza autobiography, because honey you better believe she knows where all the skeletons are buried. I would have loved to talk to her about Arrested Development too. Can you imagine going out on the town with Jessica Walters and Liza, watching them knock back a couple thousand champagne mimosas while you nursed a Diet Peach Snapple Iced Tea? Heaven!

The best moment of the night for me came when she let her bandleader/piano player do a solo cover of "You Can Leave Your Hat On". Although I love the Tom Jones version of the song, I recently had to sit in the car and listen to my dad sing along every word of some random blues version of it which was extremely distressing and offputting. But Liza helped me to push those memories aside when she insisted on a reprise of the song and then proceeded to do an interpretive dance all the while her bandleader sang. She's still got it baby. David Guest eat your heart out.

A Sad Sad Sad Day

Part of me is like of course he does. But most of me is sickened.

The Casting Director: Vesper Lynd

Last night I saw Casino Royale, which I thought was pretty darn good. No need for an extended rhapsody on Daniel Craig, we all knew he would be perfect, and he was. When my 77 year old grandmother says, "That fella reminds me of Steve McQueen!" you know the mission is accomplished. This post will inagurate a new feature here at the blog wherein I critique the casting choices in a film, and proffer a few of my own. So let's get down to brass tacks: who in the hell greenlighted Eva Green for the role of Vesper Lynd?

Here are a few actresses in no particular order that would have galvanized the film with their presence.

1. Caterina Murino To begin with, the producers had to look no further than someone already in their film. So you've never heard of her, so what. In the role of Solange, she was a knockout in the red gown she wore when she first met Bond, and the chemistry between her and Craig was superior to the non-existent sizzle with Green. And she had a sweetness and a vulnerability that even the shower scene couldn't pump out of Green's performance.

2. Connie Nielsen The producers probably saw Green in the awful Kingdom of Heaven and picked her anyway. So why not go with the heroine of Ridley Scott's best film, rather than his worst? In Gladiator Nielsen looked ravishing but transmitted strength. The role of Vesper calls for those same qualities, and she would have delivered them with less insecurity than Green.

3. Zoe Lucker Well I would have paid beaucoup bucks to see that! Killing two husbands and switching your own baby with your lover's wife's while taking controling interest in the biggest football club in England just doesn't happen by chance. Watch her build a relationship of trust with Bond, and watch her blow up his heart. If you're looking for someone to enact THE BETRAYAL that is responsible for forming a huge part of the Bond identity, who better than Tanya Turner herself to do the job. And do it up she would, luv.

4. Claire Forlani. See how good I am at this?

5. Rachel Weisz I don't know if she'd agree to do it, and I don't know if people would think to ask her, but I think she would have been perfect for the role. She's a spitfire.

The Movie Was BETTER Than The Book

I finished Elizabeth Gaskell's North & South last night. I found it enjoyable 'til the last 100 pages. In this case, the miniseries beats the book. Credit is due the screenwriter who I thought did a delightful job of making the ending much more entertaining than Mrs. Gaskell was able to.

In honor of how obsessed I have become, I created this list of Lines You Would Never Hear in North & South--Wedding Crashers Edition. Basically, every line below is a direct quote from Wedding Crashers, but I put it in the mouth of the main characters from N & S.


Mrs. Thornton [To John Thornton]: She hasn't answered your calls, she didn't respond to any of your letters, she didn't respond to the candygram. God only knows what happened to the kitten you got for her. 'Cause she didn't keep it, and I know you're not raising the ***damn thing. I think it's very obvious at this juncture that she just flat out does not wanna see you anymore.


Mr. Thornton [To Margaret]: Can I say something to you without you getting mad at me?


Mr. Thornton [To Margaret]: I'm not perfect, but who are we kidding, neither are you.


Mr. Thornton [To Mrs. Thornton]: HEY MOM! CAN WE GET SOME MEATLOAF?


Margaret [To John Thornton]: You shut your mouth when you're talking to me!


[On the balcony, infront of the mob]
Mr. Thornton: I feel so tiny in your arms.
Margaret: How tall are you?
Mr. Thornton: Six foot five, but I feel like I'm four feet.


Mr. Thornton: You and I both know I'm a phenomenal dancer!


Mr. Thornton [To Margaret]: I'm gonna go see Dr. Finklestein and I'm gonna tell him we have a whole new bag of issues. We can forget about mom for a while.

Mr. Thornton [after whoever's funeral (I can't remember which one he went to.)]: I crashed a funeral today.


Ok, I'm sure there are plenty more where that came from, that's just a smattering....

Grace Jones, I Heart You...Or, SCARY!

At Home

Doesn't this look like some divine yuppie Vallhala/Elysium/Xanadu? Except what's with the lamp with the fringe?

Notice the crocheted afghan on the right sofa arm? D. V., Je t'aime!

Oprah Proves Her Moral Superiority Over Everyone Else Once Again.

Saturday afternoon as I was surfing the channels on my TV, I happened upon an episode of Oprah After the Show. Oprah's guest on the show was her BFF Gayle and the subject of the show was "What I Did This Summer". The ladies chatted about how they went to South Africa to select girls to attend the school Oprah is building there. They also touched on the road trip they had embarked on across the USA which seemed to put in relief their personality differences. For example. Oprah doesn't listen to music in the car. Ok fine. Oprah didn't want to listen to music in the car for the whole 3,000 miles of their trip. That's crazy. Basically Gayle seemed much more fun to be around and Oprah sounded like a big spoiled whiner.

Apparently Gayle is a TV-o-phile. She went on to mention a couple of shows she liked: Grey's Anatomy, Desperate Housewives...snore whatevs. And then the fun began. Gayle admitted in answer to a question from the audience that she is addicted to...wait for it...Flavor of Love. She even managed to do her best Foofy Foofy impersonation with a loud "FLAVOR FLAV!" right in Oprah's face. I am not making this up. Gayle then went on to say that she made a tape of an episode of Flavor of Love and took it over to Oprah's house to make her watch it. Of course Queen O made Gayle turn it off, and thought the show was just awful. Well so do I, I guess if I'm being honest. But that doesn't mean I don't get totally and completely sucked into it if it's on. I've had to make a promise to myself that I will not turn it on if I see it's on TV. Some of us would really love to build schools for AIDS orphans, Oprah. But frankly, choosing not to watch a bad TV show is about as close to changing the world as we'll ever get.

Don't Drop Bombs (Like this one)

I can't decide if this is "THA" bomb or "a" bomb. I promise this won't turn into Liza Minnelli blog.

Maybe this time she'll be lucky...

I know it's not news by now, but I just had to give a cheer out to Miss Liza May for her recent legal victory...

SWEET NECTAR

Alex and Krystal=Taking Care of Business!

They will be reuniting in a national tour of the play Legends before heading to BROADWAY!

More proof that I am just a gay man in a woman's body.

Protest

First there was The Office,






then Footballers' Wive$,






then The Vicar of Dibley






and Life on Mars.



I realize that's not the order of their production, but it's how I fell in love with them. It's fair to say the only TV I watch anymore is on BBC America. So I'm more than a little steamed that ALL FOUR of these shows have been or are being remade for American TV. I've said it before and I'll say it again, "Hollywood, I challenge you...NO REMAKES EVER EVER!"

Nepotism

My 2nd cousin's husband Ben was in Time magazine a week or two ago in an article about his letterpress stationery business, Seraph. I had the opportunity to visit his studio at the end of August, and let me tell you, true to my paper addiction, I was in a cold sweat because I couldn't invent a pretext for ordering gorgeous custom wedding invitations. I don't even know anyone that's getting married that I could pass the info on to! Go to the site, check out his wares, and be mindful that he'll even work with you to design your own. And if you ain't getting married anytime soon, you can still buy his gorgeous note cards.

Powered by....

So, I was watching the USC football game this afternoon, as I am wont to do. USC winning a football game is about the only sure thing there is anymore in this life of mine. The People of Troy DELIVER. Some might wonder what it is that ensures such reliability. Is it the unprescedented wealth that USC Alumni are famous for bestowing on their alma mater, inevitably making the Trojans the New York Yankees of college football? Why only last week George Lucas announced a gift of $175 million dollars to 'SC (but I doubt very much that the football program will see much of that). Maybe it's not the money, but something overthere is making a difference.

As I watched the surprisingly close game this afternoon I had a realization about what has caused the success of 'SC thus far. Pete Carroll is the lost Wilson brother. I guess he fits in first, the eldest before Andrew, Owen and Luke. First and formost this of course would explain the heartbreaking Rose Bowl 2006 loss by the Trojans to the Texas Longhorns. For as much love as Southern California has proffered Owen and Luke, could a long lost Wilson brother really betray his secret roots? See? Makes total sense. The longish shag. The unquestionably 100% totally heterosexual guy guy's love for men. The affable smile and easy interaction with anyone who might cross his path. America loves themselves a good Wilson brother.

Video Outtakes

Ok...This was emotional...that's why it took me so long to write this entry. As of July 4, 2006, Video Outtakes is on indefinite hiatus...and possibly out of business permanently.

In a world of giants corporations like Blockbuster and Hollywood Video taking over the video trade...This little store that could was a movie-lover's oasis. You absolutely knew you'd be able to find even the most obscure films there. Here's a typical challenge: A French Gangster movie, a 60's sci-fi parody and a Burt Lancaster film-noir. GO!

We'll miss you guys.

I saw you

You didn't look great, but you sure looked better than this.

I am such a Hollywood Snitch

Thank You Rialto Pictures!

Jean-Paul Melville is one of my favorite screenwriters of all time. The only thing that could make me have more anticipation for the American première of his L'Armée des Ombres would be if Jean Gabin was in it. Sadly, he's not...But I'm still saving the date.

"Army of Shadows"--A Review

In Honor of My Sister's Birthday Today....

Even the Shiksas appreciate a good Seder!

The Bjork-Barney Enigma Machine

These kooky kids fascinate me. I am totally conflicted about seeing this film. PS...is Matthew Barney Mormon? I haven't seen any of his Cremaster films, but I hear there are a Mormon Characters and Symbols, etc in them. Maybe it's just because he grew up in Idaho. Or maybe it's another case of a hot dude abdicating his tribal duties!

PPS...isn't it funny how Napoleon Dynamite is set in Preston, ID...just about as Mormon a town as you can get, the star's Mormon, the Director and Writers are Mormon...but there are no OVERT references to Mormons in the movie? Like they wanted to totally avoid the topic. That's like setting a movie in Fallujah and acting like the locals are Eskimos.

Former Dodger Great Facing a Mound of Debt - Los Angeles Times

Former Dodger Great Facing a Mound of Debt

Oh how the mighty are fallen. Steve Garvey was the first Dodger whose name I could pronounce. He was a favorite of my childhood. He's gone from MLB Golden Boy to certified chump.

Excuses, Excuses!

Why daddy let ''Arrested Development'' die

Vince Vaughn: Republican?

List of Speculative Facts

Hubby on Strike

Hubby on Strike

This poor guy is taking one giant step forward for mankind! My take on the subject? Newborns in a crib or bassinet for the first few months to a year...OK. At least then when they cry, you don't have to go too far. But after that, they're out of there! I never was allowed to sleep with my parents. On the maybe one or two times as a child I came to their room at night I was either told to go back to bed, or fell asleep in there and then magically awoke in my own bed.

The Only Brackets I'm Caring About Right About Now.

2006 Morning News Tournament of Books.

I think this is a great idea except that I've read what...2 of the books, and maybe only care to read 4 other contenders. But anything that gets the kiddies interested in books!

I didn't know this picture existed...

But boy am I glad it does!

And on a related note...I had no idea about Santino's Yard Sale this past weekend. But I'm not sure I would have gone, even if I did know about it. I probably would have started something.

Oscar's Eve: Red Carpet Confessional

Let's just get it out there that not only do I approve of the infamous "Swan Dress" Björk wore to the 2001 Oscars, I WOULD WEAR IT. Maybe not to the Oscars...but I would embrace it as a red carpet option for sure. And all you so called fashion police out there...remind me who's on your red carpet? Oh that's right, Ryan Seacrest.

What's Going On?

I have a fever and the only thing that can cure it is...eclairs. I can't even remember the last time I ate an eclair. I can't ever remember in my life craving one. But don't worry I managed to eat 4 near approximations today. I say near approximations, because I ended up having to buy eclairs from the freezer section of the 3rd store I went to in the quest to satisfy my BELLY. And we all know that freezing something makes it just a little bit off.

I was going to ration myself to two today and two tomorrow, but who are we kidding. The interesting thing being that upon consuming 2 eclairs, I was immediately hit with a desire to eat scrambled eggs. So don't worry I ate those too. Once I finished the eggs...You're so smart, I had more cravings for eclairs. So I polished off the box. Come on, we all knew that I would.

Good Night, Night Stalker

We'll miss you, big guy.

The Odd Couple

Jack Klugman on NPR
Man, I love these guys!

Paper Cuts

Look at these gorgeous cut outs of Picasso's Guernica












and Mme. Recamier...

Grazie Mille

What city do you think Giovanni is in? I think Firenze.

Found Images

The Diaries of Werner Herzog

The Morning News - Be Not Afraid, by Rosecrans Baldwin

Thanks for the Pick-Me-Up!

Tower Ravens Caged Over Bird Flu Threat

Article

When I went to London for the first time in 2001, we went to the Tower of London as all good tourists do, and we saw the ravens there. Don't even trip: they have a yeoman raven keeper. This job made such a huge impression on me that I recorded it in my journal.

I am assuming that it is a government job wherein you wake the ravens up, prepare them breakfast, take them on a walk, look the other way when they make doody and then cover it up with dirt, feed them lunch, feed them tea, feed them dinner, tuck them into bed and sing them to sleep.

I get the symbolism and the myth and romance of it all. That still didn't keep me from thinking it was stupid to have a human's life work devoted to being a raven keeper.

So I noted this article with interest. Especially the part where the guy says he's been planning to put Branwen, Hugine, Munin, Gwyllum, Thor and Baldrick (the ravens) indoors for a while now in anticipation of the bird flu reaching western europe. Can you just feel the excitement welling up in this guy? "Maybe, in 4 months' time, I'll have a change in my shed-jul!"

Ok, I'm being really mean.

Hung Up on Grey Gardens

Confession: I am obsessed with Grey Gardens.

I can't believe I only saw it for the first time last year. It's the only movie in recent memory that I immediately watched again after finishing the first viewing. I don't think I've ever felt such empathy for people in a film ever in my life. Grey Gardens demands close watching. There are so many throw-away lines that add such nuance to our understanding of Big and Little Edie.

And while the movie is a documentary of their daily lives...we in reality learn very little about how the aunt and first cousin of Jaqueline Kennedy Onassis ended up in such sqalor. Are they reliable narrators? Even the smidges of personal history that emerge and the photos that are shown only give us a very broad contextual understanding of how they came to be who they are.

Which is a long way of saying most people that watch this mashup of Madonna's Hung Up and Little Edie's flag dance from Grey Gardens won't really get what they're watching, and what makes it such a perfect match. Hopefully this viral video will get more people interested in Grey Gardens.

Yeah, He Did.

My dad is convinced that Santino designed this outfit for Olympian Johnny Weir when his uncooked turkey on ice ensemble failed to impress Sasha Cohen in the challenge on Project Runway.

I am torn, because although at first glimpse it looks right up Santino's alley, I think more than likely Peter Pan was just trying to break out of his design mold.

H&M HOLLA!!!!!

H&M to Open Hollywood Store

Finally, after what has it been, 5 years since I first stepped into H & M (in either France or Germany, I can't recall), the powers that be deign to open one in LA.

Actually the last H & M I was in in London gave me a roaring headache, but I went at 5 pm on a Friday, so I acknowledge it was probably my fault.

Still...I freaking hate Hollywood & Highland...couldn't they put it at the Beverly Center or Third Street Promenade? I guess I hate those places too.

I really wish that they'd put a Zara closer to me.

Passing the Torch

Not only has OKGO attained a place in the man-dance pantheon with their video for their new single A Million Ways, In my opinion, they've knocked Christopher Walken in Weapon of Choice down to #3. Can they challenge Yatta's hegemony in this newly emerging genre?

Let's put it to a vote!

Who are the best man-dancers?
	Yatta!
	OKgo
	Christopher Walken in Weapon of Choice
	Someone else entirely.
Free polls from Pollhost.com

Why am I always the last to know?

Google has been hosting the first episode of Season 3 of Footballers' Wive$ since Valentine's Day at video.google.com/bbc. I just finished watching it, and all I have to say is I welcome the addition of Bollywood stars and Chinese Triads; Chardonnay will be missed and let's get Frank out of the picture as soon as we can.

That Explains Everything: The Material Hernia

We're all greatful that cool heads prevailed amongst the producers of the recent Grammy show, and Madonna was chosen over Mariah to open the festivities. Firstly, because it was a fabulous performance, as you can see here, and secondly, because anything that makes Mariah have a fit is fine by me.

Madge is apparently in recovery from a hernia that was operated on right after her performance in the Grammys. What does concern me is the nigh-unto-Cheney like delay in reportage concerning the story. A Google search shows that the hernia story was first reported yesterday by some crappy Irish online news outlet. Hello, the Grammy's happened...well, like a long time ago. Maybe it was a week, but it feels like a year.

Clearly, when having to deal with something as old-fartish and unsexy as a hernia in front of a TV audience of millions, the best policy, as the mystical wisdom of the Kabbalah teaches, is to hide in plain view. No wonder she had the wardrobe trifecta of sexy yet sensible support hose, firm yet flexible lycra leotard and body brace disgused as supple corset in full effect! There was nothing on earth that was going to keep her from showing those producers they'd backed the right filly. Do it up, Madge! Do it up!

Where Mangoes Come From...

Did you know that Jennifer Coolidge and Chris Kattan were lovers? Well, according to IMDB they were.

Her new article in Esquire entitled "10 Things You Don't Know About Women," includes this morsel: A man's ability to haggle is never a turn on. Don't I know it!

No way, José!

I have to say, I don't care what "as-yet unapproved by the FDA" health benefits might be had by taking Garlique once a day. I don't even care if you swear up and down that "GARLIQUE has none of the unsocial qualities associated with fresh garlic cloves." Odorless, tasteless and easy to digest? I'll take your word for it.

As Dana Carvey would say when impersonating Papa Bush, "Not gonna do it!"

One Week Away and I Can Hardly Stand It!

Cheers, Darling! The third season of Footballers' Wive$ is about to descend upon us, just in bloody time. Even though I already know who killed Jase, I'm a little disraught that Chardonnay and her divine theme parties will no longer be with us. I can only hope that the third season will manage to engage as much as the first, and I hope Frank dies pretty quickly, because he grosses me out.

I find it pretty amazing that Chardonnay's poitrine healed well enough to be so clearly displayed in this cast photo, btw.

FW will valiantly try to fill the gaping hole left in me by the all but definite canceling of Arrested Development. But let's face it, I yearn for older days when the universe was big enough for both of them. Gangey could have taught Tanya a thing or two about shoveling coal!

Who are we kidding, even if this season is absolutely awful, I have to make it through to Season 5, now showing in the UK when JOAN COLLINS joins the cast!

I know I've got game, just not sure which one...

This article caught my eye. I guess this goes under the heading of one day when I have money, maybe I can figure out why I always seem to put my feet just to the right of the stringer when I drop in.

Fractious Fractals

More proof that I'm a total geek-faced nerd. I just love the thought that what we do leaves a signature that may be imperceptible to the human eye. Even though I will admit that geometric analysis is probably not in keeping with the artistic spirit.

Lover Come Back!

Liza with a Z

Ok, so it's taken me a week to gather my thoughts about this most stupendous of episodes of your favorite show and mine...the one that Mr. Lipton hosts. The highlight for me was when Miss Liza sang AND SIGNED Aznavour's "Quiet Love". It may have brought Mr. Lipton to tears for the first time in the hallowed history of the show, but it left me marveling at how outright deranged Ms. Minnelli is. And I find that to be delicious! Once upon a time, she was a fascinating stylist. Now, well, let's just say that maybe I am pre-disposed to stare anyway, but the material she gives me to work with isn't helping.


The Inside the Actors Studio Personality Profile Game was a lovely little find that I encountered whilst perusing the bravo site. Guess which former guest I am? I whole hartedly disagree.